Overdose
by Toast and Stitch
Summary: Daily use of the drug is hazardous... It was so dangerous, we should have called it deadly. But...


**::Overdose::**

**

* * *

**

_Daily Use of the Drug is Hazardous

* * *

_

_Shock_ came quicker into Himura Rikuo's expression than Kazahaya Kudo's. _Shock_ cast a dark shadow around his widened eyes, fell down the curve of his upturned nose and brought tragedy to his lips. Kazahaya thought that if he reached out and felt those lips he might catch shock and comprehend the situation – and he was sure it had to be bad if it stopped Rikuo in his arrogant tracks.

_"You're... you're bleeding..." _

Well, he could _see _that. Kazahaya could definitely see all that blood on Rikuo's hands - he just wasn't sure exactly on the source. Everywhere hurt. He supposed it had to be pouring from the searing pain against his side or somewhere near his ankle and it made him think of days when he would run and run and run with Kei, racing her, and he would've kept going if the pain hadn't started in his side and he couldn't breathe too well. And that made sense because Rikuo was Kei and the race was to find something for Kakei and they were always running and would always run until there was a reason to stop. But then it didn't make too much sense why he was bleeding when he never bled when he ran with Kei and it was getting hard to focus with Rikuo screaming in his ears.

He would've told him to stop telling him his name over and over because he remembered it now and he wanted to go to sleep and he was so comfortable in Rikuo's arms. He might've even told just how comfortable he was and that he wanted to stay there, but the world began to spin and he couldn't find Rikuo's face among the colours, but he would've told him. But now he wanted to yell at him and tell him it hurt and he was going to be sick.

But when he opened his mouth and managed to voice the other boy's name, he's already forgotten what he's wanted to say. And Rikuo was waiting with his hands cupped over his mouth to create that secret sort of of tunnel between his world and Rikuo's ears and he was probably angry with him that he didn't finish his sentence because he hated it and he was shaking him, but then it all came up, and then on the ground and it didn't taste anything like the onigiri they had for a quick breakfast when they were rushed out of this house for another one of Kakei's... jobs?

* * *

_It was So Dangerous

* * *

_

Rikuo carried him to their reality and through fields and toward their home and he was sure that his lungs were on fire, but he wouldn't have stopped even if the exhaustion killed him because the requirement of saving a life was exchanged with another's person's dying. He'd only glanced once between him to make sure his eyes hadn't tricked him – that this deceptive garden hadn't really morphed into a nightmare just moments before. That fairy – sprite – whatever the hell it was – taking perfect, assured aim. Fired. Hit. And blood, more blood than could be possible.

He muttered a bunch of stupid things while he carried Kazahaya, because he knew the other boy could hear him and he knew that it had to make a difference if he heard that he needed him. And him knowing that could keep him going. And they had to keep going and they had to go together, because they didn't have another person to go with and if there was Fate then they were supposed to go with another because how else would they have even met? Kazahaya had to know these things, because they were the only things he knew to say.

* * *

_We should have called it Deadly

* * *

_

"Kakei... KAKEI!"

Excitement? No. Urgency. He moved toward his name.

"Oh, Rikuo, did you find – ?" Kakei thought he felt his heart for the first time, dropping somewhere in the middle of this throat to the pit of his stomach; he grasped for it as if he could find it again.

Because this wasn't supposed to happen.

Saiga followed closely behind him and was quick to hold him in case he fell back.

Playback.

Blood and blood and more blood and Rikuo collapsing to the sterile tiles of his store with Kazahaya broken in his arms and moving between clutching onto the other boy and unsure of whether he should completely let go. Screaming. They needed help. The situation was beyond his control.

Saiga must have found him a chair to fall into, because it met him before the floor and suspended him somewhere between hysteria and nothingness. And Saiga must have located a phone to call for paramedics, because they had no idea what the hell they were going to. Saiga must have cleared any customers with the threat of a fire through the exit, and then found a way to come back around and comfort him with his hands and his voice and his warmth. He must have because he was there now doing all those things and more.

Kakei could hear Rikuo's accusations, screaming through his careful barrier and echoing in that small, tight space. _Your fault, shouldn't have ever recruited him, shouldn't have gotten too greedy, shouldn't have gone too far. _Saiga's hard squeeze reminded him that they shared the fault, the blame, anything and everything. He shouldn't have ever been this kind to him. A part of him was still trying to defend himself – _he wanted the jobs, he's stronger than you realize, __this wasn't supposed to happen__._

Between sharply noted excuses and the pointing of fingers, there was only so much they could do with so little supplies for major emergencies and next to no time. It didn't matter they had rolls upon rolls of gauze or antibacterials or mild pain relievers and the means to treat it so minimally.

"It's a losing battle."

The only words Kakei managed to tell his frantic worker.

But he wasn't listening. Rikuo never had the decency to listen to the things he didn't want to hear. He was in his own world where he could hold onto to one sentence, one thought, a singular command.

"Don't die."

Over and over, he said the words, so far into breaking down... that he didn't care that any of them saw this. To watch him weep and tremble and cling onto this almost lifeless body and tell _him_ over and over those words.

"Don't die, don't die - Please, don't die."

Once, Rikuo was sure he saw him smile – but damn it all if he looked so at peace. And all it took was that one smile to completely shatter his heart into unrecognizable fragments.

All it took was for that one smile to make the entire scene too unbearable for Kakei.. He turned, abruptly, and walked, blindly, toward his room. To some kind of escape. To somewhere else. Anywhere else. Far away. _Far away_. Saiga - he recognized that hand - came down onto his shoulder. Brushed hair that was meant to hide his face. He stopped. The two arms of his lover enveloped him into a hug that he could only melt into.

"It's my fault."

Saiga shook his head, against Kakei's shoulder.

"It's only your fault if you leave."

* * *

_It Could Have Been Poisoning

* * *

_

A mixed sort of anticipation, he called it. Being a doctor felt too boring, being the surgeon too methodical. Where was the adventure? He took it in the form of emergency vehicle procedure. He drove the vehicle that screamed urgency, and found the victims in their worst state. He was trusted to make everything better – retrieve the band-aid, apply, and all better. He felt anticipation in the worst possible way and loved every minute of it. Their misery was his game – roll of dice. Who lives and who dies? He never knew, though they expected him to.

This guy – the first for his shift – wasn't looking too good. Where his skin hadn't paled to an unnatural translucent, it was dyed into a brown he had gotten use to scrapping off his shoes after shifts – scattered spots, one concentration at his hip. His eyes showed how far gone he was by now.

"Fuck, Makashi, what happened?"

Tatsuo. The poor bastard had a loose tongue and a weak stomach. He could barely keep the stretcher steady in his hands. Good thing they didn't need it. Whoever the guy was that was so adamant on holding onto his friend, stood up defiantly, groaning under the weight. One of the stubborn ones that wanted to ride in the back, too, and be in the way. But that would be Tatsuo's problem – Only Makashi was licensed to drive the vehicle. Tatsuo would have to lead him the dead weight and his carrier friend to the back and hook up the IVs and keep balance. He'd make small talk.

They hit 60 down the city streets and escalated when the turns weren't too sharp. Makashi had driven these roads many times in his rounds – familiarity. One man's tragedy was another man's career. It was Tatsuo that was terrified in the situation – he thought it would be easy, he'd been around emergencies before. He'd seen _corpses_. He'd forgotten that operations were performed on humans, not organic machines.

It was always good to remind the interns who they were performing on.

* * *

_It Was Definitely Risky

* * *

_

Of all the things that had happened to Himura Rikuo, this one was the worst of them all. The absence of his family... he could live with that. Tsukiko's disappearance... that was now in the past, a dull ache only when he did fall back into those memories. Kazahaya... was a fresh wound.

Kazahaya was his roommate. He was annoyingly loud and had the ability to drown out all the things he couldn't forget. He exaggerated the smallest things and made teasing to be relaxing pastime. He was a relief, an obstacle, a challenge – above all, always there. It was inevitable in his mind that he would have fallen in love with the other boy, the moment he'd held in his arms and felt the insanely normality of that weight. Comfort.

He could've kissed him. He'd wanted to many times before. He could've told him that. He could've told him a numerous amount of things that seemed both pointless and the most important thing in the world. He could've told him that _he_ had become the most important thing in his world. He'd already gotten as far as to tell not to leave him? Did that count? Was it enough?

"I was mistaken."

Rikuo let out his breath and glanced once beside him to verify that the voice came from his boss.

"I apologize," the man continued.

"Do something, then."

"You know I can't."

"Make some kind of... fucking exchange; give him half of my life or something."

"Rikuo, I can't. I simply... can't."

He knew.

Kakei was worthless. It was himself and Saiga and Kazahaya that had abilities. Kakei only knew things – like how to use those abilities. And none of theirs amounted to a damn thing to a moment when it really counted.

"You shouldn't have..."

"I-"

"Pixies."

"Rikuo..."

"It was... pixies," Rikuo said softly, his lips turning up at the absurd statement. "Pixies got him. Nothing big at all – just a foot. These small creatures with little teeth and pink bodies – out of no where. He didn't move away in time. He-"

Kakei's – no, Saiga's – hand came onto his back, offered support. He wasn't aware he needed it until his vision became blurry and he was involuntarily doubling over with the sudden pain in his gut. Odd that he'd just notice the dark new shade of his right sleeve as he waited for his eyes to allow for normal vision.

There was something ironic about their comforting him – but he accepted it.

Minutes later? Hours? Or even seconds? He wasn't sure, but Himura Rikuo heard his name voiced and lifted his doctor's eyes told him everything he wanted to ask. "Do you want to see him?"

He stood, his left knee wobbled unsteadily. Kakei and Saiga would stay behind and let him stumble all the way to Kazahaya's bed. They wouldn't be there to witness his emotion.

Rikuo felt the doctor close by, leading him through the double doors and following the hallways, past doors, lights, gurneys, wheelchairs and nurses. The doctor stopped at 220 and pressed lightly on the door, swinging it open just enough for a person to slip by in.

Kazahaya, within, looked peaceful – as if he hadn't been in his arms, bleeding steadily, hours before. Rikuo walked forward, felt compelled to touch the boy's brown hair – cautiously as if it might shock him, straw-like now from all the dirt and grim. With no effects from running a finger down the wavy line of hair, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the boy's cheek. Rikuo then sat back on a thin chair against the wall, folded his hands into a chin rest and sat unmovingly.

* * *

_We Should Have Known

* * *

_

Kakei, the androgynous beauty in his arms, hiding fear behind omnipresence (myself). I once could see far beyound human possibility, past trees, buildings, structures, and then people. I used it once when I found the gift, finding Kakei and then I would never have a reason to use it once more. In my world, any prior use of the gift was something demonic – the gift disconnected from a blind world until the world was me.

But the gift intrigued Kakei – oh, it did, indeed. He knew of it, honed it, used it for others. To find this and that and more. My human vision began to fade, I ignored it (My ears could hear well enough). My legs, my arms, my hands, knew the drug store well enough to find what I needed. But Kakei must have found out – he must have suspected at the least. Devious as he's so well known to be, he rearranged my world of familar shapes with him, so I lost balance, knew when I stumbled into his embrace, but I told him. And I told him why.

"Because without you I was lost, and here, you are my world. So whatever you ask, I devote my life to bring."

He laughed bitterly "Nothing in this world is without a price."

I'll remember that kiss, his own surrender, the secrets he would begin to confide (and secrets that will remain till death in my mind), once love had transcended from initial infactuation.

I knew the moment I'd overdosed on the gift, I was gambling, but the drug was too sweet; he still feeds me that drug. (kisses) (love) (need) But nothing is without a price.

Kakei asks me to use my gift, and there I do. I know the moment _he's_ gone, so I lead Kakei away. How delicious his emotion is, when it does appear, so close to his own overdose I have to end it.

And it's the overdose we must, regretfully, avoid.

* * *

_We Could Have Suspected

* * *

_

"It was too late, wasn't it?"

The wind replied.

"I knew it was a gamble the whole time, you know. I knew one day I would die. It was... inevitable."

Silence – again and more.

"I also know that you can hear me."

Might as well have talked to a wall.

"Of all the things I could have overdosed on, I'm glad I chose you."

A blink. A reply.

"It meant staying with you longer, right? That's why I did."

Slight shift.

"I wish I had known you loved me back."

Tried to move, tried to press ghostly lips to the warm, living pair. Breathless.

"I wish you... too... had overdosed."

* * *

_But We Were Too Careless

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_

Where do we go from here?

We pass on from our lives as we pass through them – without much thought what our next step will bring. Friends we'll never see again, relationships that could have crashed, people that would alter our lives forever – we let them pass by us as we pass by them. It's a world of opportunity – and a world doomed to be dictated by hitsuzen.


End file.
